Do you want it or not?

So I’ve been single for 14 months. I mean 14 months and not even a date! I know right? W.T.H? Let’s talk about that for a minute, shall we?

Someone told me recently, based solely on my FB status updates, that I seem to be confused as to whether I want a boyfriend or not. That sentiment surprised me because I thought I was very clear about wanting a boyfriend….to anyone who will listen. I actually consider myself to be boy crazy, but maybe I am more discreet than I think. Hmmm…that is very unlikely in this particular case.

Here’s what I think. I think because I’m happy without one, it seems like I don’t actually need one, which any “single and looking” person can tell you is ludicrous. Let me put it this way: I don’t NEED a million dollars. I could live on and be happy with the $100 I have in my purse, but without having a million dollars, I know I can be happy with a million dollars! Who doesn’t want a million dollars?

I guess, luckily for me, I have learned that happiness is just out there waiting to be experienced and it is something that can definitely happen even if you’re not in a relationship. I get out of bed, raise my Kidlet, run a household, on my own. What other choice do I have? I just choose to do it with a smile on my face.

Life has been cruel to me at times, but the more things happen, the more I realize that you’re not entitled to get what you want. Sometimes you get nothing you want, sometimes you get everything you want, but there’s no contract saying you have to live in bliss. You’re born and then you’re on your own! Being in a committed loving relationship is not owed to me and it’s certainly not something that I can bring about myself by myself, so I have to just get on with the business of living in the meantime, don’t I?

As the clock ticks towards 40, I feel slightly panicky BUT I also know I have only a little control over my romantic situation, so what’s the point of being depressed? I can’t conjure up a person. I can’t, right? Just checking!

So I go about living my life, being happy, doing my thing. Despite my own fairy tale aspirations, logic tells me that I should acknowledge that I might never fall in love again, but who am I kidding? I do believe 100% that I won’t be single for the rest of my life. Maybe I’m a fool, I don’t know.

Until then, though, I’ll just embrace and enjoy the happiness I have in my life. If it appears that I don’t WANT a man, that’s a shame. It should just appear that I’ve got a good life that some lucky bastard one day will get to be a part of and be happy too!

V

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