Welcome to the first post for 2015! Happy New Year! May you reach your goals this year and may the happiness found in the coming year surpass the sorrows that will find their way to you!
After my birthday post a couple of weeks ago, I took some time off to center myself. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out what the heck I want this year to be. What should this ‘reset’ bring for me? I haven’t really been happy – truly happy – for a while now. I’ve been kinda drifting through parts of my life and not rocking the boat to prevent further unhappiness and discontent. You know what I mean? It’s getting comfortable with Bad, so as to avoid Worse. I’ve grown way too comfortable with Bad. It’s time to move back to Good.
In an effort to find Good, I definitely want to get a hobby: something I can do when Kidlet is at his dad’s and something in which I find fulfillment. Photography? Salsa lessons? Knitting? I really don’t know for sure, but I have to funnel my energy and free time into something creative and constructive. It’s the only way to breathe new life into this slowly deflating routine.
Speaking of changes, this year, I didn’t do any resolutions. My only goal this year is to grow up and be a real adult. Here’s what I consider to be a real adult:
- Anyone can drop by and my house will be guest ready.
- I can whip up a meal with a moment’s notice.
- I always have milk, eggs and bread in the house.
- I bake something from scratch regularly.
- My house reflects my personal style.
- I don’t have to swear to ratify my emotions.
- I listen more than talk.
- I make eye contact more.
- I can talk to someone new for 10 minutes and only ask questions.
- Only dancing at the grocery some time and not the whole time.
- Saying what I mean and not try to minimize my feelings.
Okay, so this list is not what I would consider to be profound by any means. I also would not call it a list of resolutions because I am not planning to methodically manifest any or all of these. This is what I consider to be the traits of an adult as warped as it may be. Will this be me this year or the next, it’s hard to say. I guess this is what I want to be when I grow up…whenever that is.
Lastly, on the romance front. I threw out Kidlet’s high chair yesterday. Sigh. I had been holding on to it for the past 6 years since we’ve been on our own. I had hoped that I would have it to use for my next baby. I kept it all these years. I felt as long as I had it, hope was still alive. It’s like that dress or pants you hold onto from the ‘skinny years’ as you hope and wish you’d fit in it again. It’s a sign of not giving up. Yesterday, I gave up. I cleaned out my storage and let go of some things from my old married life and my old dreams. I decided to make new dreams and to live in the now and not in the future. It’s not like it was the last high chair in the world and letting go of it doesn’t directly mean that I don’t want more children or I don’t want to share our future with someone. It just means my next child will have a different high chair, that’s all. This was a big step for me. It’s a move in direction of Good. Good is where reality is. Good is where the truth is. Good is where the present is.
Well that’s all I have for the first post of the new year!
Have a great week back to work and may productivity and laziness know their roles in your day! (<–whoa, that was good. I just made that up! Nice! 🙂 )