So on Monday I was talking about how dating has changed over the years and expectations of a date have moved far away from what has been traditionally expected.
This ‘new future’ worries me though. There was a time when you would advise your child to wait on someone special before committing, so at least that was in place to separate the wheat from the chaff, but now, with commitment being optional, now what do we use to gauge if someone is worth your time or not?
I have always been guided, selfishly, by what a person I let into my life can add to my life. I think I am a wonderful person to be in a relationship with and I have a lot to offer. I’m not going to discount that. Why would I let some random person into my life, enjoy all that I have and then be out? I wouldn’t let a stranger spend five minutes with my child alone because of trust, don’t I deserve the same courtesy? Too often, I think people put up with situations and people that they don’t deserve. You should ask yourself, “Is this person worth all that I’m giving right now?”
I know I’m being hard on poor unsuspecting suitors – maybe that’s why I never have a long line at my door – but I’m worth it. You’re worth it. You’re worth working for. You’re worth waiting for. You’re worth respecting. I think that’s what the traditional values meant. At first glance, it may have seemed like the woman had a lot to prove: “Can she cook? Is she physically attractive? Is she from a good family? Can she have children?” but on a deeper level, the men have to prove themselves too: “Can he provide for a family? Does he have a good job? Does he have a house? Can he take care of his family?”. There is a need for both sides to put their best feet forward and prove themselves. Sadly, we’ve kinda moved away from that.
I get it. It’s not necessary for a man to have a good job anymore because there are a lot of financially independent women out there and it’s not necessary for women to be able to have children because the need to ‘carry on the blood line’ is not a priority anymore. While all these questions don’t need a positive answer, I think the sentiment should still apply. I think we should be asking SOME qualifying questions. They may be along the lines of:
- What are your goals? Do you want/have a career?
- Are you financially stable?
- Are you willing to be monogamous? Do you want to be with only me or are you still sowing oats?
- Do you want children?
- Do you want to get married?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
I mean, this list is, of course, not exhaustive, but these are the kinds of things one should be thinking about at the outset for a lasting relationship. It should be about complementary goals and ideologies, not just chemistry. It fosters respect and teamwork and focus and will ultimately lead to better compatibility and stronger relationships.
I think these days, we are not overly diligent about who we hitch our wagons to and it erodes the perception of love and wonderful romantic relationships and that makes me sad. Like the prevalence and availability of fast food makes us less willing to go out of our way for a nice meal, you know?
Anyway, I don’t have a solution, but I can only be diligent for myself and my body and my heart and mind. Here’s to hoping we find our way back to love and respect and honour and romance and dedication and partnership and all of that good stuff!
Keep love alive! ❤