I always knew I was different. My mind can never seem to stop, like a carousel I can’t get off of – sleep the only escape, most times. Instead of fighting with it and trying to suppress it, I’ve decided to work with it.
The analogy I was able to come up with is like I’m being tangled up in soft rope. Instead of fighting to get out and making the ties tighter, I will slowly try to work out the knots, little by little, piece by piece until I can walk out of it with a neatly wrapped up length of rope.
Maybe you too are going through a struggle, maybe you can’t see the length of rope for the knots. I believe that it’s possible to get out with something that I can use later on.
I’m a single mother so that part of myself is already defined and there’s a pretty concrete job description already in place – no knots there, per se. My other knots are having a successful career, co-parenting, making peace with the legacies of my childhood, being a Black minority, living in Vancouver, finding a partner and battling with procrastination and apathy.
On a mini-adventure to Whatcom Falls, I came across a skinny tree and it shouted at me, “Get off yer butt and PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!” Then in a whisper, it said, “Look at my roots. I will probably be swept away in the next big flood, but until then, I’m determined to see the sun!”
“I can’t focus on falling in, I just have to push!”
I know I’ll work them out – when, how, I don’t know – I can do it! I know it!
Thanks for reading,